you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
