Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
