All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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