there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
