I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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