Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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