So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
