just come out here and I will go home with you...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
