I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
