he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
