My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
