Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
