remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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