if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
