Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
