I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
