Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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