....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
