dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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