You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
