She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
