Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I faked an abortion last night.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
