i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
