youre lurking in front of me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
