I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
