Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
