I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
