Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
