i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
