I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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