i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
