You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
