I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
