Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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