You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
