I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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