it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
