They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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