I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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