At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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