Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
