STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
