i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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