we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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