I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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