Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
