You work out of a Hotel?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
