love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
