Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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