I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
