he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
